Nude Skin - Time to slow down: That goes for sex, too

Sex in the News: Time to slow down: That goes for sex, too

Posted on Monday, September 13 @ 11:15:06 CDT

Time to slow down: that goes for sex, too. KEYWORDS: tantric sex finding time for sex making sex more pleasurable shared orgasms tantric orgasms

AUTHOR: Laura Berman

These days, hectic schedules make it a challenge for men and women to find time for sex. If we're not running to work, meeting up with friends and family, or taking care of our kids, we're probably in bed -- sleeping.

In fact, when men and women finally use the bed for something other than sleep, time is still a big issue; though not in the way you might think.

Feeling like there is never enough time for sex is a common source of frustration. But getting on the same schedule once inside the bedroom can be just as difficult. When women and men finally get down to "it," she's hoping for a four-course meal with coffee and dessert and he's ordering a Big Mac.

It takes the average man between five and 10 minutes to reach orgasm, with a refractory period that can last from five minutes to several days. The average woman's time-to-orgasm is a half hour, with little or no recovery period.

We are living in two different time zones.

Fortunately, there are many ways to bridge this gap, without becoming a time traveler or resigning yourself to a life of unshared orgasms.

One of these is the practice of Tantric sex. Tantrism is based, in part, on the belief that our sexuality is a furnace of energy, capable of transforming all who tap into it. By giving in to our most primal sexual desires, and also remaining in control of them, we are able to learn new things about ourselves, increase spiritual awareness and intensify the sexual experience.

According to Tantric tradition, when a man reaches orgasm, he loses his sexual energy. That may also explain why he rolls over and falls asleep while his partner sits there watching him.

The Tantric orgasm is meant to be "lived" instead of released, thereby achieving expanded consciousness and union with your partner. It is the joining of the yin and the yang, the female and male, which creates complete fusion between two people. Tantrism teaches men to harness the energy created during sex to control the desire to climax .

And you know what this gives you. That's right -- more time.

I know the thought of telling your man to delay his orgasm is about as appealing as standing naked next to supermodel Heidi Klum, but the benefits are worthwhile for those who can master it: more intense erotic experiences, prolonged lovemaking with the possibility of multiple orgasms and feelings of connectedness -- with each other, with yourself, and the universe.

Men are usually taught to maintain a slower rhythm of movement, sometimes with periods of no movement at all, and to be mindful of the desire to climax, while not giving into it. Women and men are both encouraged to suppress inhibitions and taboos, and focus on sensations and feelings.

Whether or not you succeed, the essence of Tantric sex is instructive for any couple. It teaches you to strip away the fears, regrets and boundaries that hold you back from an intense and satisfying erotic connection, and pushes you to get more in touch with yourself and your partner.

So forget about the time machine. It's time to get Tantric.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Laura Berman, Ph.D., is a sex therapist and director of Chicago's Berman Center
Phone 800-709-4709
E-mail drberman@suntimes.com.

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